Amy Tara Koch | Fashion felonies for moms
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Fashion felonies for moms

Being a mom is tough. There is not always time to make a fashion statement. So, I’ll make it simple. Avoid these style mishaps at all costs. These 15  fashion felonies are just cause for a fellow mom to call 911 and have you incarcerated in the style slammer

What you wear reflects who you are and how you feel about yourself. It also reflects how the world perceives you. Period. If you are a highly intelligent woman prancing around in a pudenda bearing tartan mini skirt and stiletto booties, people will probably not take note of your IQ. No matter how organized other areas of her life is, women who consider sweats and sneakers their go-to “fashion” uniform look slovenly. And, if you sport Hello Kitty themed clothing (with or without sparkle lip gloss), to pick up your children from SAT prep class, you simply look ridiculous.

They may not be formally spelled out in a Constitutional Law format, but, there are most certainly rules governing fashion for Moms. Instead of a citation, you receive eye rolls, grimaces and snorts of derision which are often more painful than simply paying a fine.

The truth? “getting dressed” is not just the act of transitioning from nude to not nude. It requires some thought and planning. Who are you? What do you want to project into the universe? It is not that complicated. But, it requires effort. Style is like tennis. You are not born knowing how to ace a serve. But the more you practice, the better you get. It’s about training your eye and developing reflexes. You may never be Serena Williams. But, eventually, you will master the (fashion) game.

FIFTEEN FASHION FELONIES

 Dressing like Katy Perry, Lady Gaga or Christina Aguilera. Ever.

• Too-Tight clothing. Not flattering.

• Too short dresses/skirts. Not age appropriate.

• Wearing sneakers unless headed to the gym. Dumpy.

 Excessive Boobage. Inappropriate.

 VPL. Tacky.

• Bra fat. Gross.

 Muffin Top. Gross.

 Oversized tops worn with baggy bottoms. Frumpy.

• Bows in the hair of adult women . Lame.

 Wearing open toed shoes with gnarly nails. Disgusting.

 Camel Toe. Sad and gross.

 Crop tops. Stupid looking.

 Leggings worn with short shirts. Hideous.

• Wearing short shorts out of the house. Sad.